


Potion Punishment

by RockSunner



Series: Potionate AU series [6]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Drama, F/M, Humor, Love Potion/Spell, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-10
Updated: 2015-02-10
Packaged: 2018-03-11 12:10:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3326792
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockSunner/pseuds/RockSunner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like the other AU's in the "Potionate" series, this is another way things could have gone wrong at the diner on the day of the Woodstick festival. What if Mabel got caught right away when she tried to steal a potion from the Love God? One-shot. All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Potion Punishment

After seeing the Love God in action making matches at the diner, Mabel told herself, "I have to know how that works."

She walked over to the Love God, who was stuffing his face with a sandwich.

"Hi. Love god? Mabel here. Big fan. Can I just say, that was some of the finest matchmaking I've ever seen? Can you please, please tell me your secret?"

"Well, between you and me, let's just say my name's not exactly a coincidence," said the Love God, waving the wings that poked out of his backpack.

"Oh. My. Love God. Are you an actual love god?" Mabel asked.

"Call me a cherub," said the Love God. "The internet pretty much does my job for me nowadays so I'm taking time to focus on my rock career. Boom. Cassette. Boom. For you."

"Oh! That's... great," said Mabel, secretly dropping the cassette into a nearby trash can. "So, anyway. Can you make anything fall in love? Like that snake and that badger?"

She pointed to two animals fighting outside,

"Hmm, ah gee, I dunno. That might be kinda hard to-Kaboom! Match made!"

The animals stopped fighting. The snake wound around the badger, who walked off happily with it into the woods.

"They're gonna make a snadger," said Mabel. "How are you doing that?"

"Love potion, yo. I got it all. Summer love. Young love. Anti love. You just gotta put a little on your fingers and pow!"

"I need that potion. How much would it cost? And will you accept squirrels as payment?"

Mabel picked up a squirrel from the floor and offered it to the Love God.

"Woah. No way. You might think you know what's best for people but this stuff can have major social consequences. That's why it can only be used by a serious expert."

"Love God! Sign my face!" called a fan behind the Love God.

"Only if you sign mine, baby. Let's get weird!"

Mabel reached out and slid one of the potion bottles out of the Love God's rope belt. On impulse, she put the squirrel into the loop as payment. She put her finger to her lips to warn the squirrel to be silent.

Unfortunately for her, the squirrel didn't understand her gesture. It chattered loudly and struggled in the belt loop.

The Love God turned around. "Woah! What's going on? You're stealing my stuff! I am so not loving this!"

Mabel dropped the potion bottle onto the table, and it shattered. Pink love potion went all over her. She instantly closed her eyes, fearful of falling in love with the next person she saw.

"You're in for it now, girl," said the Love God. "Closing your eyes won't help forever. The blind can fall in love too, you know. You're doomed to fall in love with the next person who speaks to you or touches you."

"You... you're speaking to me and I'm not falling in love with you," said Mabel.

"I have personal immunity, so I can't use my own potions to make people fall for me," said the Love God. "Professional ethics."

"Isn't there anything you can do? What about that anti-love potion you have?" asked Mabel.

"You wouldn't want that," said the Love God. "Your heart would die on the inside. You would never be able to love again, for the rest of your life."

"How long will the love spell last?" asked Mabel.

"You were lucky and took Young Love, so probably only now through the end of your teens," said the Love God.

"Seven years?" said Mabel. "Oh no!"

"You brought it on yourself," said the Love God.

"Yeah, I did, but..." said Mabel. "But maybe it'll be someone good."

"It will probably be someone totally unsuitable," said the Love God. "I warn you, don't try to get them to love you back. Don't ever tell them. Just suffer silently with unrequited love and don't mess up their lives, too."

Mabel moaned.

"I'm going now," said the Love God. "I have a fan waiting to sign my face. Have a nice life. Or not, you little thief."

Mabel kept her eyes tight shut and put her fingers in her ears, worrying about who might become the love of her life. Old Man McGucket? Lazy Susan?

She felt a gentle touch on her arm, and against her will felt her heart fill with love. She unplugged her ears and opened her eyes, since that was no longer any use.

"Mabel? Soos told me I might find you here. It's time to get ready to go to the Woodstick rock concert."

Dipper.


End file.
